Handling Tantrums in New Environments
Moving to a new country is a journey full of challenges and discoveries—not just for you, but for your children as well. One of the most common concerns I hear from parents in my practice is, “Why are tantrums happening so much more now?” If you’re navigating life in a new environment and noticing emotional outbursts in your child, know that you’re not alone, and there are practical ways to support your family through this transition.
Understanding the Roots of Tantrums During Transitions
When families relocate, children are faced with overwhelming changes: unfamiliar languages, new routines, different faces, and a sense that even the smallest things (food, playgrounds, smells) aren’t quite what they used to be.
“My usually calm 7-year-old started throwing tantrums after we moved. It’s like she’s a different child. I just want to help her feel safe again.” – Parent from a recent consultation
Tantrums are a child’s way of expressing that something feels “too much.” In new environments, the loss of predictability can create stress, confusion, and even fear. Children often don’t have the words or emotional tools to explain what’s wrong, so their feelings come out in the form of crying, yelling, or refusing to cooperate.
Why Do Tantrums Spike After Moving?
Stress and Uncertainty: The unfamiliarity of a new country can trigger a child’s fight-or-flight response, making them more reactive.
Loss of Control: Kids often feel powerless during big changes. Acting out can feel like the only way to regain some control.
Communication Gaps: New languages or different social expectations may make it harder for your child to express their needs, leading to frustration.
Parental Stress: Children are highly attuned to their caregivers’ emotions. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, your child may pick up on this and react accordingly.
What’s Happening in Your Child’s Brain?
From a psychological perspective, tantrums are often linked to the developing limbic system, the part of the brain responsible for emotion regulation. When faced with stress, the “thinking” part of the brain (the prefrontal cortex) goes offline, and the “feeling” part takes over. This is especially true for younger children but can affect older kids during major transitions.
Imagine your child’s emotions as waves. In a familiar environment, the waves are gentle. In a new country, those waves can become stormy, unpredictable, and overwhelming.
Step-by-Step Calming Strategies for Parents
Here’s a practical approach you can try during a tantrum, especially in public or unfamiliar settings:
1. Stay Calm and Grounded
Your calm is contagious. Take a slow breath and remind yourself: “This is hard, but we will get through it.”
2. Physically Ensure Safety
Check that your child (and others) are safe. If needed, move to a quieter spot.
3. Connect Before Correct
Kneel down to your child’s eye level. Use a soft tone. “I see you’re upset. I’m here with you.”
4. Name the Emotion
Label what they might be feeling: “It’s hard when everything feels new and different, isn’t it?”
5. Offer Choices When Possible
Restore a sense of control: “Would you like to hold my hand or walk by yourself?”
6. Give Space to Recover
Some children need a few moments to calm down. Stay close, offer a comforting touch if they want it, and wait.
7. Debrief Later
Once your child is calm, talk briefly about what happened and brainstorm together how to handle big feelings next time.
Mini-case: After moving, a 5-year-old girl began having meltdowns every morning before school. Her parents started using a visual routine chart and offered her choices about breakfast and which shoes to wear. Within a week, the frequency of tantrums decreased as she felt more in control of her new routine.
Checklist: What to Try When Tantrums Happen
| Situation | Response to Try |
|---|---|
| Tantrum in a store |
|
| Meltdown before school |
|
| Refusal to try new activities |
|
| Tantrum triggered by language barrier |
|
Supportive Resources for Parents in Transition
- NAEYC: Social & Emotional Development
- Moving With Children: Tips for Expats
- Child Mind Institute: Behavior Problems
- Third Culture Kids World
Gentle Reminders for Parents
You are already doing so much. Every family’s journey is unique, and there is no perfect way to handle every meltdown. Celebrate the small moments of connection and progress. When in doubt, choose empathy over perfection.
“I used to feel embarrassed by my son’s tantrums in public. Now, I see them as his way of asking for help when he’s overwhelmed. We’re learning together.”
If you continue to feel concerned about your child’s adjustment, don’t hesitate to seek professional support. You’re not alone—and help is available in every country.
Disclaimer: This article provides general psychological guidance and is not a substitute for personal consultation with a licensed professional.
