Helping Kids Say Goodbye When Moving Again
Moving to a new country is a journey filled with hope, anxiety, and countless practical challenges. For children, saying goodbye to friends, teachers, and familiar places can be especially hard—whether it’s their first move or the latest in a series of transitions. As a child & adolescent psychologist specializing in behavioral correction, I’ve seen families face these moments with courage and creativity. In this article, I’d like to offer practical, compassionate guidance for parents navigating this delicate stage.
Understanding the Emotional Landscape
Transitions are never easy, especially for children who may lack the words or experience to process big changes. Leaving behind a familiar environment is more than just a physical move—it often means letting go of routines, relationships, and even parts of their identity.
Children experiencing a move might show their emotions in various ways: sadness, anger, withdrawal, or even excitement mixed with worry. One 9-year-old boy I worked with described leaving his school as feeling like “losing my favorite storybook before I finished the last chapter.” This sense of unfinished stories and abrupt goodbyes can linger, impacting a child’s ability to settle into a new place.
It’s important to remember that saying goodbye is not about erasing the past—it’s about carrying it forward in a way that helps your child feel grounded and resilient.
What’s Happening Psychologically?
When children move, they experience what psychologists call “ambiguous loss”—the people and places they care about are not gone forever, but access to them changes. This can lead to:
- Anxiety: Worrying about new environments and losing old friends.
- Grief: Mourning the loss of routines, favorite teachers, or neighbors.
- Identity Shifts: Questioning “Who am I now, in this new place?”
Children need support to process these feelings, and gentle rituals can help create closure and honor the connections they’ve made.
Practical Steps for Meaningful Goodbyes
1. Start the Conversation Early
Begin talking about the move as soon as possible. Use simple, honest language and allow your child to share their feelings.
Example: “I know it’s hard to say goodbye to your friends. What would you like them to remember about you?”
2. Create Goodbye Rituals
Rituals provide structure and comfort. Some families host a small farewell party, while others plan “last walks” around their neighborhood. Even something as simple as baking cookies for teachers or drawing pictures for friends can be deeply meaningful.
3. Make Memory Books
Help your child collect photos, drawings, or notes from friends and teachers. This can be a scrapbook, a digital slideshow, or even a shared journal. Invite others to contribute messages or little stories about your child.
4. Encourage Expressive Activities
Children may not always have the words for their feelings. Encourage them to:
- Draw pictures of their favorite places or people
- Write letters or record video messages for friends
- Make a “goodbye” playlist of songs that capture their mood
5. Prepare for Ongoing Contact
Let your child know that goodbyes don’t have to be forever. Plan regular video calls or send postcards. Knowing they can stay in touch reduces anxiety and gives them something to look forward to.
6. Normalize Mixed Emotions
Share your own feelings in age-appropriate ways. Say things like,
“I feel sad about leaving, too, but I’m also curious about our new home.” This shows your child that it’s okay to feel more than one thing at a time.
Mini-Case: The Farewell Letter
A family I worked with moved frequently due to work assignments. Their 11-year-old daughter, initially shy, struggled with goodbyes. Before their last move, her parents encouraged her to write a “thank you” letter to her favorite teacher. The teacher replied with a letter of her own, sharing memories and encouragement. This exchange helped the girl feel seen and valued, making her transition smoother. The family now makes farewell letters a tradition—one that gives their daughter a sense of closure and connection wherever she goes.
Checklist: What to Try Before the Move
| Action | Purpose | Tips |
|---|---|---|
| Start conversations early | Reduce uncertainty, normalize feelings | Use open-ended questions: “What will you miss most?” |
| Organize a farewell event | Create positive memories, structured goodbyes | Let your child help plan or choose activities |
| Make memory books | Preserve connections, validate experiences | Include photos, drawings, messages |
| Encourage creative expression | Process emotions, reduce anxiety | Drawing, letter-writing, music |
| Plan for future contact | Ease separation, maintain bonds | Exchange emails, video calls, postcards |
| Model and discuss mixed emotions | Normalize the complexity of feelings | Share your own thoughts and feelings |
Useful Resources
- Helping Children Cope With Moves (Child Mind Institute)
- Expat Kids Club: Practical Resources for Moving Families
- The Art of Leaving: Psychology Today Blog
- Moving With Children: Family Resources and Guides
No goodbye is ever easy, but with compassion, creativity, and a touch of structure, you can help your child hold onto what matters most—even as they step into something new.
— Alice Potter, Child & Adolescent Psychologist, Specialist in Behavioral Correction
Disclaimer: This article provides general psychological guidance and is not a substitute for personal consultation with a licensed professional.
