How to Support Kids Through Culture Shock
Moving to a new country is a journey filled with hope and opportunity, but it can also bring unexpected challenges—especially for children. As a child and adolescent psychologist specializing in behavioral adjustment, I have worked with many families navigating the complex process of acculturation. Parents often ask: How can we help our children thrive in a new culture?
“When we moved, my 8-year-old son became withdrawn and stopped talking about school. I worried, ‘Is this normal? Is there something I’m missing?’” — A mother from my practice, recently relocated to Germany.
If you recognize yourself in this story, know that you’re not alone. Many parents experience uncertainty and guilt, wondering if they’re doing enough to support their kids. The good news is: with understanding and practical steps, you can help your child feel safe and confident as they adjust.
Understanding Culture Shock in Children
Culture shock isn’t just an “adult problem.” Children, too, go through a range of emotions when adapting to a new environment—sometimes even more intensely, as their sense of identity and security is still forming.
What is culture shock? In simple terms, it’s the emotional and psychological reaction to living in a different culture, with unfamiliar norms, language, and routines. For children, culture shock can show up in different ways, depending on their age, personality, and the specifics of your move.
The Four Stages of Culture Shock
- Honeymoon Stage: Excitement and curiosity about the new country. Everything feels new and interesting.
- Frustration Stage: Differences become more noticeable. Children may feel isolated, frustrated, or sad.
- Adjustment Stage: Gradual adaptation; routines start to feel more familiar.
- Acceptance Stage: Children begin to feel “at home” in the new culture while maintaining ties to their roots.
It’s important to note: Not all kids pass through these stages in the same way or order. Regression to a previous stage is common—especially after holidays, visits from family, or changes at school.
How Culture Shock Manifests in Children
- Increased clinginess or separation anxiety
- Regression (e.g., bedwetting, thumb sucking, tantrums)
- Withdrawal or silence, especially about school or new friends
- Somatic complaints (headaches, stomachaches)
- Anger or irritability
- Resisting new routines or foods
- Loss of interest in activities they once enjoyed
“My daughter, age 13, refused to go to birthday parties. She said, ‘Nobody gets my jokes here.’ We realized humor was a bridge she was missing.” — Parent story from my clinic
Psychological Mechanisms at Work
Why do children react this way? Let’s break it down:
- Loss of the familiar: Children thrive on routine and predictability. A new culture disrupts both.
- Language barriers: Not being able to express needs or jokes can feel isolating.
- Identity confusion: Kids may wonder, “Where do I belong now?”
- Social stress: Making friends and understanding unspoken rules can be overwhelming.
Children may not have the words to explain all of this. Instead, they show their feelings through behavior. As a parent, your response and support are key in helping them move forward.
Practical Steps for Parents: Supporting Your Child
1. Normalize Their Feelings
Let your child know that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. Share your own emotions about the move (in an age-appropriate way) and reassure them that these feelings are a normal part of adjusting.
2. Maintain Routines Where Possible
Keep bedtime, mealtimes, and family rituals consistent. Familiar routines help children feel secure when everything else is changing.
3. Encourage Expression
- Invite your child to draw, write, or play out their experiences.
- Use books or stories about moving and adaptation (see resources below).
- Validate their feelings: “I see you miss your old school. That makes sense.”
4. Stay Connected to Your Culture
Cook favorite meals, celebrate familiar holidays, speak your home language, and keep in touch with family. Balancing old and new makes the transition less overwhelming.
5. Facilitate Social Connections
- Enroll your child in extracurriculars or sports, where non-verbal communication helps bridge gaps.
- Attend community events or cultural groups.
- Encourage “buddy systems” at school.
“A 10-year-old I worked with found confidence joining a local football team, even before he could speak much of the new language.”
6. Model Adaptability
Show your child that making mistakes or not understanding everything right away is part of the process. Share your own small victories and challenges. This helps kids see adaptation as a shared family journey, not just their burden.
7. Seek Professional Support When Needed
If your child’s distress persists for more than a few months, or if you notice significant regression or social withdrawal, consider consulting a psychologist experienced with expat families.
Checklist: What to Try When Supporting a Child Through Culture Shock
| What to Try | How It Helps | Tips |
|---|---|---|
| Keep one daily routine from home | Provides stability and predictability | Even a special bedtime story works |
| Encourage sharing stories about the old country | Validates identity, eases homesickness | Look at photos together, Skype with relatives |
| Practice new language as a family | Reduces pressure, increases confidence | Make it into a game or song |
| Support joining clubs or teams | Fosters friendships and belonging | Start with activities not requiring advanced language |
| Use “feelings charts” or journals | Helps kids identify and express emotions | Color-code moods or use emojis for younger kids |
| Set up small social “playdates” | Builds confidence in new settings | Invite one classmate for a simple activity |
| Connect with expat/immigrant parent groups | Offers peer support and shared understanding | Look for local Facebook or WhatsApp groups |
| Celebrate small wins | Boosts self-esteem, marks progress | Notice when your child tries something new |
Helpful Resources for Parents
- Expat Child – Articles and advice for parents raising kids abroad
- Families in Schools: Parent Resources
- IAMAT: Mental Health Resources for Travellers
- Books for Children:
- “The Name Jar” by Yangsook Choi
- “My Two Blankets” by Irena Kobald
- “Moving Away Will Be Okay!” by Lisa Katzenberger
Remember: adaptation is a process, not a race. Every child’s journey is unique, and your patient presence is the most valuable support you can offer.
If you ever feel unsure or overwhelmed, reaching out to a professional for tailored guidance can make a significant difference for your family’s well-being.
Disclaimer: This article provides general psychological guidance and is not a substitute for personal consultation with a licensed professional.
— Alice Potter, child & adolescent psychologist, specialist in behavioral correction
