Helping Kids Handle Separation from Extended Family
Moving to a new country as a family is a journey filled with both excitement and profound challenges. One of the most tender issues parents face is helping their children cope with missing grandparents, cousins, and other extended family members left behind. As a child psychologist specializing in behavioral adaptation, I have witnessed the nuanced emotions children experience during this transition—and the strength parents show in supporting them.
Understanding Why Separation Hurts
Children form deep emotional bonds with their extended family. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins often provide a sense of stability, love, and identity. When these connections are suddenly physically distant, children can feel a profound sense of loss or confusion.
“My seven-year-old daughter would ask to call her grandma every single night after we moved. She said she missed the way grandma tucked her in.”
From a psychological perspective, young people rely on familiar faces and routines to feel secure. The absence of extended family can create a gap, sometimes leading to sadness, behavioral changes, or even withdrawal. But this challenge can also inspire growth, resilience, and deeper family bonds—when approached with understanding and practical strategies.
The Emotional Landscape: What’s Going On Inside?
When children miss family members, they may not always articulate their feelings directly. Instead, you might notice:
- Asking repeatedly about family back home
- Clinginess or increased need for reassurance
- Changes in sleep or appetite
- Acting out, moodiness, or withdrawal
It’s important to remember that these are normal reactions. Children are navigating grief and adjustment. Their brains are working overtime to process change and loss, while their hearts seek comfort and connection.
Practical Steps: Helping Your Child Stay Connected and Cope
1. Validate Their Feelings
Let your child know it’s okay to miss their loved ones. Use phrases like, “I miss grandma too. It’s hard being far away.” Naming the feeling helps children process it.
2. Create New Rituals
Establish regular video calls or voice messages. Let your child help plan when and how to connect, giving them a sense of control. Even short calls can reinforce bonds.
One family I worked with schedules a “pajama breakfast” via video with cousins every Sunday. The children look forward to this new tradition as much as their old weekend visits.
3. Memory Boxes and Shared Projects
Help your child create a “memory box” with photos, letters, or small objects from family back home. Or, start a shared project—like sending drawings or postcards back and forth, or keeping a joint journal. These tangible connections can be very soothing.
4. Plan Future Visits—Even If They’re Far Off
Talk about the next time you’ll see extended family. Even if it’s months away, having something to look forward to can help children feel hopeful. Mark it on a calendar or create a countdown chain together.
5. Encourage Storytelling and Reminiscence
Make space for stories about family members. Encourage your child to share favorite memories, funny stories, or even traditions they want to keep alive in your new home.
Mini-Case: The Power of Shared Storytelling
After moving from Poland, 10-year-old Max began drawing comic strips about adventures with his cousins. His parents mailed the comics to the cousins, who replied with their own. This creative exchange helped Max feel less alone, and his cousins felt included in his new life abroad.
Checklist: What to Try
| Strategy | How to Get Started |
|---|---|
| Scheduled Video Calls | Pick a day/time each week. Let your child choose what to share (show-and-tell, reading a story, etc.). |
| Memory Box | Gather photos, small gifts, or letters from family. Decorate the box together. |
| Shared Projects | Start a drawing exchange, recipe swap, or joint scrapbook with relatives. |
| Reminiscence Time | Set aside a “family memory night” to share stories, look at photos, or cook a favorite dish from home. |
| Travel Planning | Involve your child in planning the next visit—make a list of places to go, people to see, things to do. |
| Letters & Voice Messages | Send and receive postcards, letters, or voice recordings with family members. |
Useful Resources for Families in Transition
- Moving With Children – Practical tips and community forums for families relocating internationally.
- Child Mind Institute – Guides and articles on child mental health and adjustment.
- Kids Email – Safe email service for children to communicate with family members.
- TCKid – Community for Third Culture Kids and their parents.
Final Thoughts
Every child’s response to separation is unique. Your empathy, openness, and willingness to experiment with different ways of staying connected will make a world of difference. Remember, the bonds with extended family can remain strong, even across miles—and the loving support you provide as parents is the most powerful tool of all.
Disclaimer: This article provides general psychological guidance and is not a substitute for personal consultation with a licensed professional.
— Alice Potter, child & adolescent psychologist, specialist in behavioral correction
